Tuesday, 17 September 2013

Down in the Dumps

Hi Guys,

So I am not feeling to great at the mo!
I started feeling a bit gross on Sunday afternoon - headache and sore throat, so I took paracetamol hoping it would blow over. I woke up that night at about 3am, feeling down right awful. My head was pounding and I couldn't swallow. I topped up the painkillers and tried to get back to sleep but it was so disrupted and I tossed and turned the whole night.
Monday morning came and I was feeling no better, I had a temperature of 38.4 and my throat was only getting worse, weirdly I didn't have a blocked nose, sinus issues or a cough. I ended up having to miss working at the school. I set myself up for a day in bed, and slept away the hours feeling anxious and sorry for myself. I tried to eat some lunch but only managed a mouthful of chicken and a chip, dinner was no better with only a mouthful of Dads home made pork burger - which is usually a favourite of mine! I felt so run down, tired and poorly. I got myself into a a bit of a state Monday night, I think I was over tired, hungry and feeling terrible - well thats what I'm blaming my over emotional state on anyway!
Last night was yet another disrupted sleep. My temperature was climbing and I was alternating between being freezing cold with goosebumps to having sweat run down my back. I had to change pyjamas a couple of time in the night.
This morning I felt no better, in fact, I felt ten times worse. My throat is so bad that I am really struggling to drink or swallow saliva, let alone eat anything!
After a day of feeling horrific and wishing someone was home with me, I booked myself in to see the Dr. Mum drove me down after work were I was swiftly handed a load of penicillin. I have tonsillitis. Lucky me eh! My non existent immune system has let another horrible bug swan in and take over.
I now have a stack of antibiotics, Lemsip, Strepsils, paracetamol, asprin for gargling and ice cream in the freezer. I have yet to eat anything more than a mouthful since Sunday night and I am honestly feeling terrible.

Tonsillitis symptoms aside, I am also royally fed up. I am missing out on a placement that I was so so excited about! It feels like every time I spend more than a couple of days out in the 'real world' I swiftly get knocked back down. At Vogue it was the stomach virus and after two days with the children at the end of last week, I now have this. It makes me very anxious about getting through anything. I know I was poorly for nearly a year, I had major surgery to recover from and I am on a whole host of immunosuppressant drugs - but this is a joke.
I am thoroughly annoyed and down in the dumps. I want to wake up and not be tired, not catch every bug going and not have to wonder how I am going to get through the week or even day ahead.

I always try to have a good positive, outlook on life and the future, despite everything, but it gets hard when I am constantly feeling knocked back.
I am also very conscious of being 'ill all the time', to my family, friends and Matt is must feel like it is always one thing after another. I hate being the 'ill one'.

Marget is also not impressed, I am definitely dehydrated and due to not eating anything I have only had to empty her once all day... At least I have a break from all that, & may drop a few pounds eh!

Sorry for the rant - it is definitely fuelled by lack of sleep, food and feeling awful. I do, however, feel it is important to document these ups 'n' downs - it's not always plain sailing.
I will of course be back soon, and hopefully in a much better mood.
Lots of love

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