I remember, a year ago today I sat in the pre-op waiting room, with my mum, waiting to go in to surgery and have Margaret. The name had already been chosen, and as I was given the anaesthetic I remember thinking about telling the nurse what I had planned on calling her.
(Jeeze - she sounds like my child)
It's only looking back now, that I realise just how poorly I was and how much worse I could have gotten. At the time I was pretty oblivious to how unwell I was, I had gotten so used to feeling awful that I think both me and those around me lost some perspective of how bad I was. I remember sitting, waiting to meet my surgeon for the first time, discussing with my Mum that maybe I didn't look ill enough as I was having a 'good day'.
Half an hour later Mr Surgeon offered to do the surgery that afternoon - clearly my 'good day' wasn't that great. I still remember what I was wearing that day and how ridiculous I looked in one of the huge hospital wheelchairs. Three sleeps later, Margaret was created.
Looking back at the last year it is scary to see how much can change in 12 months.
I have been on radio, had my blog tweeted by the likes of Alan Sugar, Alan Carr, Dynamo and Lennox Lewis, lost 16lbs and bought a dachshund.
One thing I am incredibly proud of is finishing my degree, something which I never doubted I would do but I know could have easily not happened. Completing a degree for anyone is an achievement and not an easy task, I know I have had it pretty bad but there are people everywhere who have gotten through a lot worse. I still firmly believe that everyone has their crap to deal with and I don't really believe that my achievement is that much greater than others.
One thing I do hope it shows people is that having an illness should never, ever stop you, and that with a hell of a lot of hard work there is no reason why you can't do anything you want. I have managed to complete a lot of things on Margaret and I's to do list, although I still haven't met David Beckham, something which I can't get my head round but am convinced will one day happen!
I won't pretend that this year has been easy, months of it were pretty horrendous in fact. I am grateful to Margaret for keeping me alive and making me better. We do, however, have a love-hate relationship. If I had the choice she would be reversed in a heart beat and I wouldn't miss her for a second. I have thought a lot about what life would be like without her and I would do things a lot differently than I did before Margaret. The main thing being wear bikinis. All day every day, Summer and Winter, with every fat roll on show for all to see because until you can't you don't realise how good it is to bare your belly. Whether that will ever happen remains to be seen, but my fingers and toes are crossed.
The people that surround me are what have gotten me through, my amazing parents and brothers and wonderful friends (my girls and Harry in particular) - so to them a huge, huge thank you. One thing I have learnt over the year is who really cares and what really matters and that life is way too short. I value being able to go out and enjoy myself, see my friends and make plans. Spending a lot of time in bed, in hospital, in wheelchairs or on crutches with my arthritic knee has made me really think about my body and how insanely lucky I am to be able to walk, run and dance.
To everyone who has read, or still reads, this little blog and has gotten it to just under a crazy 75,000 views - thank you too. The kind words of strangers still blows my mind.
A year ago I was in a wheelchair, incredibly poorly and terrified of what was to come.
I sit now, a year on, with my joy of a dachshund on my lap, and both the healthiest and happiest I have ever been.
So thank you and happy birthday Margaret.
xxx
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