Hospital Stay

Hi guys!

Whilst I was in hospital I kept a diary of what was going on every day & here we have it. 

Friday. Day 2

I woke up and didn't have a great morning. Margaret continued to be a pain and was very sore, the liquid morphine didn't seem to be doing much of a job so they swapped me on to tramadol. It did really help but made me feel so weird, my limbs felt like they weren't attached to my body and my head was all squiffy. At one point I lay there trying to work out why I couldn't lift my thumb, until I realised a while later that I was holding it with my other hand... Whoops. Every time I closed my eyes I thought I could hear someone whispering my name, apparently some people take Tramdol recreationally and I can't for the life of me understand why! 

I was also told I wasn't allowed any food, which was awful having not eaten since Tuesday. 

After a while I started to feel really sick and shaky, I truly felt awful! Mum and Dad came to see me but I felt horrific, the nurses thought it might be a mix of the anaesthetic and the strong pain killers. Luckily they gave me an anti sickness drug before I projectiled across the ward; which would not have been a good look. I tried to sit up twice, both times feeling very faint and my head was swimming, they had to lie me back down and give me oxygen. All very dramatic for just sitting up in bed. Eventually on my third attempt, after feeling a lot better I made it in to the chair next to me. It's so weird that the smallest things like sitting up or pulling yourself up the bed can be such a challenge. I felt like a massive baby. Mum and Dad left after a few hours of chatting and meeting Margaret, then Matt came by to spend the evening with me. We were both so exhausted we barely spoke and just led there not doing much but it was so nice to have some company. The whole day I felt pretty rubbish but I was told if I could walk around my bed and to the toilet I could have the catheter removed, which I hated.

Ouch!!

My view!

Saturday. Day 3

I had a bit of a better nights sleep and was woken up by a nurse with a menu. I yelled, "Can I eat?!"  

She said yes and handed me a pen to costs off what I wanted. It was then she told me that I was only allowed 'Soups and Puddings' & maybe mash potato. My heart sunk. Going through the list, the two soups for the day were asparagus and celery. Both sounded horrific. I couldn't have any puddings as they were all dairy filled and the mash had milk. For breakfast my only option was porridge with water. I felt so down and so hungry I welled up with how overwhelming it all was. 

Then a lovely nurse came to see me and I explained how hungry I was, she then agreed that considering the stoma was working and I was so hungry that I could have some toast. I could have hugged her I was so happy and even happier when she also said my catheter cold be removed! 

Once this was done I did have a panic for a few hours that I couldn't wee. I actually developed a fear of weeing, I had stupidly googled "unable to wee after surgery" and was met with horrific tales of life long problems. I developed stage fright in a locked bathroom... Hours later my worries were banished and I was actually able to wee like a normal person.

My first meal in 4 and half days

This ladies and gentlemen is the lunch that arrived... that is in fact mash & 

asparagus soup. I only managed to dip my finger in the soup and couldn't possible mess up

that beautiful ball of mash...

Matt then came to see me, bringing with him the best surprise! My brother Sean and his girlfriend, Caryl all the way from Wales!! An absolute day maker, Matt planned it all and had driven to Cardiff to pick them up just to visit me. Sean bought with him some lovely goodies like ice cream and jam and some pretty cool presents! A bunch of stickers to decorate my bag and my carry case and some glow in the dark stickers to decorate my little bay with. They now cover my cupboard and line my curtain rail. They all absolutely made my day and made me so happy. They spent most of the time trying to see what they could play with and what they could eat and drink for free. Including pumping an air pump into each others faces and smugling out nutrition milkshakes.

Matt also felt incredibly jealous of all the obs I was constantly having done so asked my lovely nurse if she could have a go! She let him have his blood pressure, oxygen levels and heart rate measured, which made him happy. They were all very healthy and he boasted about how much better they were than mine, to which the nurse did point out that he wasn't an in patient. I would have been worried if they were worse than mine!

Mum came up afterwards and she helped me walk to the gardens, it felt so incredibly good to be outside, breathing in fresh air. At this point I felt completely overwhelmed, I was tired and had also just emptied Margaret for the first time. I started crying, and didn't stop for a good hour or two. I think it's the first time I have properly cried since I found out about Margaret and I just let it all our. I have been brave and not really thinking about my life with Margaret for so long. It is so daunting and scary to think this is my lot, this is my life. Its not anyone elses and its probably not temporary, it is something I am going to have to live with. I have no choice. 

Mum stayed with me right until the end of visiting and one of the student nurses was so lovely, turns out she was a few months younger than me!! I snuggled down, exhausted and emotionally drained and watched BGT and Pretty Woman. 

Sunday. Day 4

At 1:30 I was woken up by a very poorly fellow patient. She was surrounded by machines and Drs which was really quite scary. I couldn't go back to sleep until I knew she was alright so spent a lot of the night awake. I was woken up at 7:30 with a nurse coming to take my blood. A wonderful wake up call eh!! The Drs came round and said I was doing really well and that they could take my cannula (thin tube in my hand) out. He said I needed to meet with my stoma nurse tomorrow and that once I could change the bag on my own then I could go home!! The nurses were shocked that for the past day I had been getting by just on Paracetemol, clearly I have a high pain threshold. I managed to shower myself for the first time which felt amazing and once I was all cleaned up I had a lovely snooze. I was woken up hours later by a nurse telling me my lunch was cold and they'de be taking it away soon.  I was livid. Why nobody thought to wake me up when it first came, I don't know. I sat there nibbling on cold roast potatoes, having to leave the pork covered in cold gravy.

Luckily my Dad came to see me which cheered me up and we chatted for hours until my Mumma came with the best gift ever. McDonald's Chips!!! We snuck out to the garden and I chomped away. It made me so so happy to eat something nice and salty although it probably wasnt the best for me!

I am having to to eat slowly and chew everything until its mush as this helps my tummy digest it. Matt came and took over from Mum at about 4 and we both crammed ourselves in to my hospital bed to watch Love Actually. It was lovely to try and relax, especially now there were no tubes coming out of me anymore.

Monday. Day 5. 

I woke up at the latest time so far of 7:30. My nurse had decided not to wake me for my obs as I was pretty much fine and I just wanted sleep, which was nice of him! I got myself up, showered and had a wander on my own, wanting to be as well looking as possible before the Drs came round as they are the ones that decided whether I could go home! Eventually they did come by and said I was doing brilliantly, Margaret was working really well and the wound site looked healthy so if the stoma nurses were happy then I could go home! I was so happy! I rang Matt and Dad immediately to work out who could come pick me up and then stared at the clock until the stoma nurses came round. The stoma nurse was brilliant and went through everything with me one more time, I also had to change the bag myself which I did. In fact she said I was a star student! She cleared me for going home and Matt was on his way! Whilst I was sat there I received a photo of Sean, who was apparently obsessed with my wheelchair.

I packed all my stuff up and once Matt came, made my escape! Miss H gave me a hug goodbye, she had been so lovely when I was feeling my absolute worse. I said goodbye to my lovely fellow patients and hurried out the door before they changed their minds!

It is so great to be home, I can't tell you!
Thank you to everyone who has been in touch or who were thinking about me whilst I was in hospital, it really boosted my mood and kept me going when I was feeling my worst. There are some amazing human beings out there!!

Lots of love
XXX