"Disabled?"

Hi guys,

I don't have the best of news, things are not looking great. The arthritis in my knee has become a lot worse over the past few days. I can now no longer put any weight on that leg what so ever, I have to manually move my leg with my arms/hands and no position is comfortable. It has swollen up and is now stuck in a semi straight position. I do have crutches but my whole body is so run down and I lack a lot of strength in my arms to be able to get around. This has meant that I am now pretty much bed bound, I can just about get myself to the toilet on my own but that is about it. I need help getting dressed and getting down stairs if I want to. As much as I would love to try and find something funny or light hearted about this; it is truly crap. I am very independent and hate having to rely on other people to help me at the best of times, let alone with basic things. The pain gets very intense and means I am barely getting any sleep, and I do not function well without sleep!
It is all a bit disconcerting as I don't even have a surgery date yet and this is all on top of the on going Crohn's symptoms! The arthritis will not respond to treatment as it is directly linked to my Crohn's, when my bowel is inflamed and unhappy my joints also flare up; as there is currently no treatment that works properly on my tummy, my joints are also stuffed. I don't know how I am going to get through the next few weeks/months if I am stuck in this state! It does feel a bit like it is one thing after another, and it is becoming increasingly hard to stay positive. On a good note though my pain medication has been bumped up to the highest dose of co-codamol. It makes me feel just a little whoozy and I am not complaining!
It has started to feel like all a bit too much and I can't help but feel that I am coming to the end of what I can cope with. I did have a minor break down earlier today, I had just got home from the Drs and it was raining. After lugging my body around on crutches to the hospital and to the Drs, my body was exhausted and I had wrenched up my body and arm. No matter what I tried I could not get myself out of the car. Mum had to run and get Matt and Dad to help carry me up the drive. A definite low point I can tell you! It felt like something out of a film! I stood there in the rain, sobbing my little heart out, unable to move with Mum carrying my leg and Dad & Matt trying to work out how best to carry me. It took them both so long to work it out, I started laughing at how utterly ridiculous the whole situation was. All a bit dramatic really!
My brothers face when in I came, carried like royalty with a gammy leg was a definite picture.

My hospital visit was also a bit eventful with Matt having to push me around in a wheelchair. Something he definitely enjoyed a little too much. I don't think I have ever feared for my life more than when he let go of the handles and let me roll backwards down a ramp. Thats love eh!

Despite everything I did have a day out on Bank Holiday Monday. Me and Matt went to Wembley to watch the play off final between Crystal Palace & Watford. Looking back, it was not the best move and I have definitely paid for it.

We managed to park a good 1,000 miles from the venue and old hop along here had to drag the gammy leg for what felt like hours to the stadium. Once we finally got there, I was let in through a disabled bit and ushered through a back door and up a lift. The lovely security guard glanced down at my crutches and said, "disabled?". Charming! The guy clearly has a way with words. Having to explain that I have acute arthritis despite not being 80 was interesting.
By the time we got to our seats the game was pretty much ready to start, it was only when we sat down that we realised we were at the Watford end... never a good thing for my die hard Palace supporter. We were very lucky to be in the VIP area which meant that all fans were mixed up but we were surrounded  by yellow Watford fans. The game was actually so good! I am not the biggest football fan but the atmosphere was amazing and I got scarily in to the game. I think it bought out my inner yob! I even had a cheeky high five/hand shake/hug with a fellow fan when we won!

disabled girls day out!

my lovely Palace fan in his train driver hat

I also have some very exciting news, I am now the proud owner of a sun lounger! Instead of having to lie in bed or at best on the sofa, I can now lie comfortably in the garden on the rare chance we get some sun! I don't think I should be as excited as I am about this.

Thank you all again for reading and for everyones lovely comments over the past few days. I really appreciate it!

Lots of love

xxx